Milestones

Today I have been on this earth for 28 years. That sounds quite old to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sensitive about my age or afraid of becoming old. Quite the contrary in fact: I can never remember how old I am! When people ask me "How old are you?" or worse, "How old is your husband?" I have a moment of panic, because I do not know the answer! I've even been known to say the wrong age just to give an answer. Of course, I don't realize that I've said the wrong age until it is usually too late to correct myself or too embarrassing. Isn't that strange? How can somebody not know their age? I think this is why I am always surprised when I do pause to consider my age and I think, "How did I get to be that old?" I am not disappointed by it though, because I think I have wanted to be "grown up" my whole life. Yet I am learning that "being grown up" is a strange thing.  I keep waiting to "feel" grown up but I rarely do.  I am beginning to think that such a feeling will never come, because every stage of life is new and one must continually figure out each chapter as it comes along.

I think I must mark milestones in life by markers other than age, such as where I was living, what hair cut I had, what my favourite clothes were, who I was with, what I was reading or studying, etc.  I don't know why but its the way it is. Until I was about 25, I was always inclined to say that I was 19. Which may indicate that 19 was a big year for me, and it indeed it was: I was living in Zambia, had long hair, wore chitenge skirts/tank tops/pata-pata shoes (flip flops) and a jean jacket nearly every day, had the sweetest tan of my life, and experienced some of the most influential events and formed some of the best relationships of my life. It was a life-changing year. A game changer.

Now, life certainly did not stop at 19. I have continued to have amazing experiences, meet fantastic people, and I began to share my life with my best friend 4 years ago.  I have many markers of time since then: working at Procurity, living at home, living with my roomies, dating Matthew, going to Estonia, studying CERTESL, going to Zambia with Matthew and Alisha, starting University, being engaged, getting married, both of us being full-time students, Emmanuelle being born, graduating, Matthew graduating, and soon starting an MA. And there are several smaller indicators of time under each of those markers. Time is amazing to me: memories can feel so far and near all at once.

I am thankful for the many experiences I've had so far. I live an extremely blessed life. I am particularly blessed to go through it all with Matthew. Sharing memories with another person adds a certain richness to life. So, here is to hoping that the next year is full of many more wonderful experiences, relationships, and memories. Also, it would be nice if my memory could start to take notice of my age and remember that I am, indeed, 28. That would ease the panic I feel every time I'm asked the dreaded age question.  They do say that wisdom comes with age, so perhaps I will have gained enough wisdom over the past 28 years that I will finally start to remember it!